Never Ending Battle
I don’t get it. The majority of this year has been major confusion in my head. I’m not sure that I’ve ever been so emotionally unstable. It’s fucking weird.
I really feel like I’ve been doing and trying my best. But some how there’s always a mistake, something always falls short. What did I do or say that was wrong? I like to believe I’m a very rational individual, but maybe I’m wrong. I’m so scared that things don’t work out so I keep caving in when I’m faced with something.
I keep wondering if my judgement is blurred. And maybe that’s why things are happening the way they do. I can no longer tell if my instincts are correct, because my reactions and mood towards certain things are very different than what they used to be in the past.
Is my healing process complete or not? That question is always at the top of my head. I have so many questions that I constantly ask myself like a crazy person. Some days I wonder if certain things are too big for me to handle on my own. Or maybe I just need a second opinion. I’m not gona lie, I do second guess myself some days. I feel like I had the solutions and answers to everything before. Now…I don’t feel that way so much. And I know I’m probably rambling right now , but that feeling of not being able to figure shit out , really fucks with my head. It’s a very unfamiliar feeling. Or maybe, just maybe, I’m being too hard on myself !