Never Ending Battle
09/21/2015

I don’t get it. The majority of this year has been major confusion in my head. I’m not sure that I’ve ever been so emotionally unstable. It’s fucking weird.

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I really feel like I’ve been doing and trying my best. But some how there’s always a mistake, something always falls short. What did I do or say that was wrong? I like to believe I’m a very rational individual, but maybe I’m wrong. I’m so scared that things don’t work out so I keep caving in when I’m faced with something.

I keep wondering if my judgement is blurred. And maybe that’s why things are happening the way they do. I can no longer tell if my instincts are correct, because my reactions and mood towards certain things are very different than what they used to be in the past.

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Is my healing process complete or not? That question is always at the top of my head. I have so many questions that I constantly ask myself like a crazy person. Some days I wonder if certain things are too big for me to handle on my own. Or maybe I just need a second opinion. I’m not gona lie, I do second guess myself some days. I feel like I had the solutions and answers to everything before. Now…I don’t feel that way so much. And I know I’m probably rambling right now , but that feeling of not being able to figure shit out , really fucks with my head. It’s a very unfamiliar feeling. Or maybe, just maybe, I’m being too hard on myself !